


Birthday Colours

by Mac_thought



Category: K-pop, Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Birthday, Friendship/Love, POV First Person, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:54:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28192773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mac_thought/pseuds/Mac_thought
Summary: It's Wendy's birthday. A day she doesn't much care for.But something else, more than the fact it's her birthday, has been bothering her today. She just doesn't know what.A series of events throughout the day, lead to a revelation for Wendy. Which might give her the answer she was looking for. Along with a lot more questions.
Relationships: WenRene
Kudos: 19





	1. Birthday Blues

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfic.   
> I posted this on Red Velvet Amino last year.  
> I really enjoyed writing, so thought I might join ao3 and try to write more fics.  
> Hope you like it.

[CU]Wendy’s POV

My heart is beating so fast, it feels like it’s humming.

I knew they had prepared a party for me. I don’t know why they call it a surprise birthday party, when they throw me one every year.

For the last two weeks, I could hear them whisper party plans, every time I would leave or enter a room. They seem so excited, and seem to be looking forward to it.

So why aren’t I?

My birthday has always been something I wished would come and go, as fast as it takes for me to blow the candles out. Yet the day always seems to go by so slowly. As if the day takes a whole year just to come to an end.

The reason I don’t like my birthday is, it gets me thinking too much. For some people, birthdays are a time where we reflect back on our life. I think about all the things that will change with becoming a year older, and about all the things that haven’t changed since last year.

For me, I think about the clock that ticks obnoxiously louder and louder in my mind with each passing year. I’m not talking about the clock counting down on my life, no, but the one that dictates where I should be at this point in my life.

Don’t get me wrong, my life is great. Performing and singing for a living, all the while spending it with four amazing young women, who have become a family to me. I am living my dream.

So, what is wrong with me? I can’t help these thoughts that surface out of the dark and secluded corner of my mind.

I feel as though something is missing. Like a puzzle, where the last piece just won’t fit.

Every time I think of the future and what it may hold for me, those thoughts seem to transform into a dark intimidating cloud, which shadows over my mind. And I feel myself tumbling down the rabbit hole of questions that always go unanswered. How long will Red Velvet be successful? Will we truly always stay together? Do I want to stay as Red Velvet forever? Will I ever have my own life, outside of RV, outside of SM? Do I really know who I am? Will I always be Wendy from Red Velvet?

…

I think of the future, and the not knowing what will happen terrifies me, and the more I think about it, the more I feel a pain in my gut, and a tightness in my chest.

I take a shaky breath in.

I start to panic.

Too many thoughts are coming to the surface of my consciousness. Bombarding me all at once, and I am suffocating under the weight of them all.

Suddenly a door slamming shut in the distance brings me back to reality. As I hear someone climbing up the stairs, I try and match my breathing with the steady beat of their feet on the wooden steps. Just as I feel my heart begin to beat at a normal rhythm, there is a light knock on my bedroom door. I can tell it is Joohyun, by the way she knocks. Seulgi always knocks quite excitedly with different patterns. Joy will just walk straight in, and Yeri will just shout your name if she wants you.

Joohyun knocks on the door quite shyly, and she has the faintest steps when she walks. We always joke that she is like a ninja the way she can sneak up on people, and show up when you didn’t hear her enter.

But she has never been able to sneak up on me.

I know her too well.

“Come in”

She opens the door, and peeks her head around the door.

I smile when I see her.

“Are you ready? You and I were going to go pick out paint samples, for the music room”, she says quite naturally, as not to give anything away.

This is the group’s way of distracting me and keeping me out of the house while they get the last preparations for my ‘surprise’ party in order.

“Who are they fooling”, I ask myself. But it is not for me to question the logic behind having a birthday party every year, and calling it a ‘surprise’. I love seeing how involved in the planning they get. Seeing their excitement, and how happy & carefree they are every time we celebrate a birthday, or a special occasion. After all, I must confess when it comes to my members, I would do anything for them. And I love preparing their birthday parties or other events for them, and seeing their faces light up.

“Yep, ready.” I walk up to her, and she automatically takes my hand, as we make our way to the shops.

Something in the back of my mind is trying to tell me something, but I can’t make it out. I feel myself getting lost in the warmth, and comfort of Irene’s hand. Her fingers laced through mine. It feels so natural. So encompassing. Like a warm protective bubble has enveloped me as I walk.

But what is it my mind is trying to tell me? …


	2. Cherry Blossom Thoughts

Wendy's POV

It was a beautiful day, so we decided to take the scenic route, along Seokchon Lake. I finally managed to convince Joohyun to let me carry one of the bags of paint samples. We had decided on which colour samples to take back with us, and try out on the walls. Then we can all decide.

As we were walking, I couldn’t help but admire the cherry blossoms. It was so magical. With the view of the top of the castle, it felt like I was a princess walking through the heavenly scented passage. Under a cloak of pink clouds, back to the castle where life is simple, and worry-free. I imagine a beautiful princess looking out of her window, on to the glimmering water, tucked behind waves of pink flowers, humming a sweet melody to herself. Carefree.

Joohyun slightly nudges at my arm, noticing I was lost in my thoughts.

“Hey, you went all quiet there for a moment. What were you thinking about?”

“The castle up ahead. Do you ever wonder what it must have been like to be a princess and grow up in a castle, back in the old days? All those exquisite and opulent rooms, built for dances and lavish parties, and dressing up in hand-crafted designer gowns. Being cared for and admired. Protected from the outside world, and where your only worry was finding your prince to live happily ever after with.”

“Wow, maybe we overdid it on the Disney movies. Though the castle does look like the Walt Disney Castle. As for your princess in the castle,...that is more a fairy tale than a true tale, Seungwan.” Joohyun said gently, and in an almost apologetic way. “She will have had her own struggles and hurdles she would have had to have faced. Money, power, and status doesn’t automatically mean a life utroubled, or less lonely.”

“Yeah, I know. But it is nice to think that someone must have lived like that. The hope that there is a possibility to live and go through life without stress, insecurities and struggles, and not have to worry about what tomorrow would bring.”

Joohyun stops walking, puts the bag down, and gestures for me to look her in the eye.

“Seungwan-ah?” Joohyun says in a comfortingly soft tone “Are you alright?”

“I, I…yes,…I’m fine.” I stutter, smiling too much. I surprise myself by how unconvincing I sounded.

Only Joohyun could do this to me. She is able to undo my defences so subtly, and in such a way, that she doesn't tear down the walls I put up, but rather she walks straight through them.

“What’s wrong? I know you don’t really like your birthday, so is there anything I can do?” She asks, looking at me carefully.

“Wait, how do you know I don’t like my birthday?”

“Seungwan, I know because on these days, you must miss your family most. And I’ve noticed how you are during your parties. You have a smile on your face, yes, and on the surface you really are enjoying it, but the smile just doesn’t quite reach your eyes. Like deep down something is stopping you from enjoying the moment for yourself. You watch and join in, and you enjoy how much fun we are having. But what about enjoying it for you?”

I take a moment to process what she just said. She can read me like a book.

“What’s wrong, Seungwan?”, she gently brings me out of my thoughts.

That's the thing. I wasn't sure what was wrong with me.

"I don't know" I say earnestly. "It's like you said, I guess I'm just thinking about my family a lot"

"Seungwan-ah. I want to help you be able to enjoy your day. So tell me, is there anything I can do?"

"I think I am just tired. But this walk & fresh air has really woken me up, so thank you."

I don’t know what it is, but these moments where it is just me and Joohyun, I feel warmth, and calm, and comfort. Like, time stops, and it is just me and her. The way I have her undivided attention, and how I crave it even more when I don’t.

I come back to reality, realising I have been staring at her the whole time.

I was staring into her eyes, and got lost in thought.

I start to feel self-conscious that I am making her uncomfortable or worrying her, so I decide to change the subject.

“I’m fine, really. But thank you for the talk." I say with honest sincerity. "Come on, we better get back, before the others think we got lost”

I pick up the bags, and start walking, and Joohyun quickly catches up to me, so that we resume our side by side walk back to the dorms. Joohyun seemingly satisfied with my answer for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I posted this fic on Red Velvet Amino, I made edits to accompany the fics.  
> For this chapter, I named it 'Cherry Blossom Thoughts' because I had the characters walk along Seokchon Lake, where I saw pics of beautiful blossom trees.
> 
> Pics of Seokchon Lake are from [Walk with Cham blog|http://www.walkwithcham.com/2015/05/seokchon-lake-jamsil-seoul-south-korea.html]


	3. Red Suckerpunch

The Party  
Wendy's POV

I watch her dancing to the music. Her eyes closed, body and shoulders swaying to the beat. I love how free she feels when she is fully engrossed in the music. Everyone is having a good time. That makes me happy.

I was making sure we had enough food for everyone, when Joohyun spots me from the other side of the room.

“Wendy-ya”. When I look up, I see Joohyun walking towards me. She is wearing this loose white shirt over a black tank top, and black jeans. She looks amazing. I see her smile, and I find myself smiling back. Her raven black hair which, without her hair extensions, just grazes her shoulders. I can’t tell if her eyes are sparkling on their own, or if it is her make-up. Either way, I am staring right into them, when she repeats her question.

“Sorry, unnie. What’d you say?”

Joohyun seeing I was lost in my head again, studies me.

“Would you like to get some air?”

As soon as she suggested this, I let go of a breath I didn’t know I was holding. And I realised just how relieved I was to be able to get away from the party for a bit.

“That would be great” I sigh, gratefully.

She takes my hand, as she often does, and led me out of the house, where the bass was loud and low it was making my heart beat harder and heavier. Or was it something else making my heart do that?

Once outside in the cool crisp night air, we walk with no destination in mind.

The walk is silent. There is a wordless conversation happening between us right now. These are the times Joohyun and I confide in each other the most. We wordlessly tell the other how we’re feeling, and of our worries. While the other with the simple gesture of being there, comforts and reassures.

I know that she feels the same way I do sometimes, because she hides her feelings well.

We hide our feelings, because we don’t know what they mean sometimes.

When you don’t understand what is going on in your head, and you can’t make other people understand, because you can’t explain it; carrying those feelings around while they are chipping away at you, it is exhausting.

But between us, we have our own language.

We walk at a relaxed rhythm. That pace helps calm my mind, as my heartbeat slows down to match my steps. I like slow walks. It feels like I can control how fast the world goes by me, by the tempo of my feet.  
  
I look up at the streetlights, thinking how much they resembled stars. These gleaming golden stars lighting up the city, and guiding us through the night. Then all of a sudden I feel Joohyun gently but speedily pull me closer to her, almost tripping over my own foot as a result.

I look at Joohyun, wondering why she did that. Evidently oblivious to what was happening around me.

I was searching her eyes for the answer. As I did, I noticed I was being held close to her, and found I couldn’t look away…that I didn’t want to look away.

The way she was holding me with such care. I could feel how protective she was being.

The quickening drumming of my heart in my chest, my mouth, my ears. I was rendered breathless as recognition hit me. The feelings of what I have been missing hitting me like a sucker punch to the gut.

For a moment, for a fleeting moment, I could have sworn she looked like she had been caught off guard. That our close proximity surprised even her.

Her eyes quickly surveying my own before she broke the contact to turn and say sorry to someone. I follow her gaze. She was apologizing to the man I almost bumped into.

Once the man waved off the encounter and continued on his way, Joohyun ran her hand tenderly down my arm, stopping at my hand and looked up at me. Our roles were reversed now. She was staring right into my eyes. She looked as though she were contemplating something.

I stand there in silence and wait to see what she did next.

Just when I thought she was going to say something, Joohyun takes my hand again. There is something different about her touch this time. Almost as though she were comforting me. Her thumb rubbing circles on my hand.

Or was that to calm herself? Was I wrong about what I saw? About what I felt?

“Shall we go?” Joohyun says so softly that I nodded my response as to not break the quiet. Joohyun smiled, squeezing my hand gently as we made our way back to the party.

The walk home was filled with a different type of silence. Tension. Confusion.  
My composure on the brink of cracking.

Once we arrived back at the house, I stop before the gate, and Joohyun looks at me questioningly.

“Are you not coming in?” Joohyun asks in a disappointed tone.

“Huh, oh yeah, I’ll be right in.” I nod, smiling a little too widely. 

“Ok, well don’t stay out here too long, you’ll catch a cold”, she says affectionately.

As soon as the gate closes behind her, and Joohyun disappears behind the blue door of the house, I bend over forward clutching my chest, as I let out a pained cry. Winded from the sucker punch I was dealt earlier.

She was my missing piece. What I have been longing for. 

My mask now torn from my face, as the understanding that no matter my feelings for Joohyun now, I could never act on them. 

And that realization...was like a stab to the heart then my heart being crushed by my own hand.

I take in a long shaky breath, as I scramble to build a makeshift wall in my mind.

"I can get over this", I think to myself. Still breathing heavily and erratically.

"Can't I?" , I ask aloud unsure of myself.

I am brought out of the storm raging in my head, when I hear loud cheers coming from inside & someone on the microphone asking : "Time for the cake. Where's the birthday girl?"

Knowing I had to go back inside, I close my eyes, breathe in, and throw a quick glance to the open, empty street behind me.  
The streetlights lit our way back home. Like stars telling me where I should be.

"Nothing has changed, Seungwan." I tell myself. "We are a family. She will always be in my life"

Nothing has to change.

Once I went back inside, the deep bass overwhelming my senses was a welcome relief to the aching silence of outside that left me alone with my thoughts.

People were greeting me & cheering as I made my way over to the stage.

I get on stage and the dj lowers the music for me.

I catch a glimpse of Irene smiling with the others holding a cake with candles.  
She comes over to me and places her hands on my shoulders directing me to the cake.  
  
"Make a wish, Seungwan", Joohyun whispers in my ear next to me.

So I do.

Then blow out the candles. The smoke from the flames dissipating into the air along with another year gone by.

-  
My birthday has always been something I wished would come and go, as fast as it takes for me to blow the candles out. 

Nothing has changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the final chapter of my first-ever fanfic, Birthday Colours.  
> I hope you enjoyed my little red velvet, Wendy & Irene fic. 
> 
> If you would like to check where I originally posted my fic, and see it with the pictures and edits, you can click on the link below.  
> http://aminoapps.com/p/l1z01m
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read my story and hope you have a good day.


End file.
